Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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