If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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