i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
