I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
