fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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