I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
