Welp...herpes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
