who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In other news, I just burned my penis
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
