I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
