It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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