my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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