when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
