Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
