Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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