Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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