I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
