I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
