fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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