tell your sister to shave her snatch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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