He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize