i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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