In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
did i walk over a car last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
