Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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