can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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