i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
