I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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