Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
