then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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