Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
