I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
