winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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