I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
