He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
