if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
