And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
