I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
