Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
