hell yes lets make some ravioli
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im part way to drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
