Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
