I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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