I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
