she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
