No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
