Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
