I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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