Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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