My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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