Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
