dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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