That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
