would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
