your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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