oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize