im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
