If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
