So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
