I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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