I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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