I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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