Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
