If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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