Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize