girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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