Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
