In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everclear isn't food dammit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
