Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
