I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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