just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
