I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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