he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mom said you looked used
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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