There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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