Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
