Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize